Where Are The Presents?
by MidnightSchemer13
Summary: Xion's hidden their Christmas presents, and Axel, Sora, and Roxas are out to get them back! Be warned, though: it's not in a way you'd expect! WARNING: possibly disturbing material inside. No pairings. Oneshot. I don't own.


**Warning: Seriously, if you're queasy, have a weak stomach, dislike dark humour, or don't like disturbing material... You may not want to be here. It's probably not that bad, but I'd hate for you to hate me for writing this.**

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><p>Roxas sat at the dining table inside the Old Mansion where Naminé lived, frowning slightly as he munched on his sixth slice of meat pie. The glass dish in which what was left of the pie lay in had a fourth of of the meat pastry left in, with crumbs dotting the bottom and smears of red were crusted on the glass: some of the meat had not been fully cooked. The blond sighed as he finished his slice, and groaned slightly, leaning back in his chair and placing his lightly tanned hands on his stomach.<p>

"_Damn _it," he muttered, and with a barely audible grunt, straightened back up and cut himself another slice of pie. Red liquid slightly stained around his mouth, as he coughed, swallowing another bite, and resting his face in his hands, with his elbows on the table.

Try as he might, no memories would surface. He groaned again, louder this time, but in a more _frustrated _way.

The white door creaked open, and his brunet brother, Sora, walked in cheerfully.

"Hey, Roxas!" he greeted the blond.

"Hey, Sora..." Roxas awkwardly sat in his seat, staring at the pie.

There was a pause.

"So it turns out, eating people _doesn't _transfer their memories to you."

"Oh. Geez, that sucks. Then that TV show was wrong?"

"Yeah. And what's worse is that we'll never know where Xion hid our presents." Sora's face fell, and he thought for a bit.

"...Maybe you shouldn't've cooked it." Roxas shook his head.

"Axel got the raw pie. He's in his room, eating it. And we split the brain, so I got half of the right and left, and he got half of the right and left... And I didn't get anything, so I'm guessing Axel did... I'm _hoping _Axel did..." Sora grinned.

"Well, he probably got _something _if he ate it raw..."

"Maybe a _disease_," muttered Roxas, but with a lopsided ghost of a smile on his face. Sora laughed at his brother's joke, then sighed.

"Is that all, or d'you still have the body?" Roxas leaned back in his chair.

"We gave her to Marluxia. Said he wanted food for his flowers..." He shuddered, thinking of the ravenous hunger the bloodthirsty roses had. Seeing them feast once, he had no question of why they were so red, nor of why they smelled like death. Sora looked mockingly hurt.

"What? You didn't leave any for me?" Roxas's face blanked, and he looked down at his half-eaten pie slice, before offering the plate to his brother.

"...You can have this, if you want." He didn't much feel like cutting another piece of the filling pie, but Sora just laughed.

"No thanks. Hey, let's go check on Axel; maybe he got the memories, and then we can find our presents!"

"Sure," Roxas shrugged with a grin.

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><p>Kairi rang the doorbell to the Mansion a few minutes later, and to her surprise, instead of Naminé, Roxas answered the door.<p>

"Hey, Roxas, have you seen Xion?" she asked, with a hint of worry in her voice. Roxas nodded.

"Yeah, we had her for lunch. Why?" He leaned against the doorframe leisurely, hiding his disappointment. Kairi wrung her hands.

"I can't find her..." Roxas shrugged impassively.

"Can't imagine why you _would_, unless Axel throws up or you go over to Marly's house." Kairi's eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"What are you––_" _Her violet eyes widened and her mouth opened in an _O_ as she realized what Roxas meant. "_Oh my god... oh my god..._"

Laughing, Roxas, shut the door on the horrified redhead, knowing that the shock that would soon come would blank out her memories and leave her ignorant of the incident. He began walking back upstairs with his brother. He had presents to search for.

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><p><strong>AN: Hahaha. So I am a sick, _sick _person for writing this/thinking it's hilarious. I don't own the actual idea; I just saw it on _asofterworld _(dot) _com_ and thought _Hey, I should write a drabble based on that... _And _BOOM_, we all get _this_. Short, quick, sick, and simple. Cheers! **


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